“How is your heart?”

This question floored me when a client asked it of me at the beginning of a coaching session. We had worked together for over 4 years and I had seen overcome being stuck, get clarity, and move from an employee to a business owner.

We also know each other personally so she’s been on the front line as I grow as a coach.

On this particular day, I had asked my usual session opening question, “What are you grateful for today?” She answered and then dropped the bombshell that took me by surprise.

I did answer once I got over my initial shock because I literally had to pause and tune into my heart.

My answer came from the heart. And that question changed the trajectory of that day’s coaching session and made it one of the most powerful sessions I’ve ever had!

We laughed about it later as I told her that she had succeeded in surprising her Coach, which is not an easy feat.

I ask myself the same question on a regular basis nowadays, especially when I want to get clarity about something important. I also ask it in coaching sessions when someone is struggling with a decision that will have a massive impact on their life.

Are You Feeling Stuck and Unable to Achieve What You Want?

People largely stay stuck and fail to end up where they wish to be for two reasons:

1. You have no specific direction or outcome

You cannot get somewhere if you don’t where that somewhere is. So you will stay stuck if you have no idea where you’re going…if you don’t know the destination.

You will live by default if you don’t have a destination and a plan for getting there. You also spend a lot of energy trying to fix issues when things go wrong.

Alternatively, if you spend your energy driving towards something, you’ll eventually get there. But you have to get crystal clear clarity about where you’re going first so that you don’t end in the wrong place.

2. You don’t do the things each day that will create the life you want

A big fallacy of the personal growth industry, one that is claimed by many gurus, is that you can wish your way to success. That is a big lie.

Success is rarely the result of luck. It’s the result of having a clear direction or goal and working your way towards its achievement every day.

This requires that you first get clarity about what you want, create a plan to get you started, and then work on your plan daily.

Ultimately, the success that leaves you feeling happy and fulfilled is the result of making positive decisions and taking actions that reflect those decisions.

As a high achiever, you do know this for a fact because you have worked hard to get to where you are today. The question is, are you happy with where you are? Is this the life that you really want for yourself going forward?

It could also be that you were once clear about what you wanted, worked hard to get it, got it, and you’re left feeling unfulfilled. You wonder if wonder if this is it. And you wonder whether all the hard work and effort were worth it.

So it’s now time to evaluate what you really want in a different way. You wouldn’t want to spend more years working towards something that leaves you feeling unfulfilled after you achieve it, would you?

3 More Questions That Will Help You Get Clarity

“How is my heart?” is one of the most powerful clarity-seeking questions you will ever ask yourself.

However, I’ve found that most people are not willing to go that deep. More so if you have never sought your inner wisdom before.

Here are 3 more questions that can help you get clarity.

1. “If an invisible person followed you around all day, what would they see?”

Imagine there was a person whose role was to observe you all day long. What would they see you doing?

  • Would they see you wasting a lot of time?
  • Would they see you working toward your goals?
  • Or would they see someone who is just going through the motions day in, and day out?

Our lives are largely the result of the actions that we take or don’t take each day. Are you taking actions that move you forward to the future you desire or are you engaged in time-wasting, worthless activities?

What would that invisible person logically conclude about you, your life, and your future?

  • Looking at your life from their perspective, what do you need to change?
  • What are the things you need to do or stop doing?
  • And what do you want to move forward to?

These are deep questions that cannot be answered in one sitting. So it would help if you took time to reflect and journal over a period of at least one week.

2. “If you lived that average day, every day, for the next 3 years, what is the logical outcome?”

Imagine what your average day looks like. Then imagine what your life would end up like if you kept living your average day over and over for the next 3 years.

Now compare having reached that imaginary 3-year milestone with the life you’d like to have. How close are they?

=> Finances

Are you likely to end up where you want to be financially? Are you currently taking consistent action to have the financial life you desire?

=> Fitness

What about your body…are you likely to have the body that you want? Are you eating nutritiously and exercising regularly? Or are you waiting to start tomorrow, Monday, the first of the month, or the first of the year? Getting the level of fitness you want will take time, so you might as well start today.

=> Relationships

Are you likely to be enjoying the type of relationships you desire? Do you have a positive and empowering relationship with your loved ones? How about your romantic life…are you working on making it better or just coasting along?

=> Career

Are you likely to be advancing in the career you seek? For example, based on your performance over the last year, do you think it’s probable that you’ll get that promotion anytime soon? If you’re in business, are you any closer to having your small business running profitably?

=> Spirituality

You’ve been talking about finding your spiritual path. How close are you to that today? If you’re not, what are you doing to make this a reality?

=> Self-Care

Do you have a self-care routine that works for you? Are you taking care to prioritize and protect your self-care?

These categories are just examples. Feel free to add others that are important to you.

If living your normal average day for the next 3 years will not end well, you can make some reasonable plans and create some good habits starting today.

Find out what you need to do on a consistent basis to achieve the life you hope for and take action daily.

3. “What is your default future if you don’t change today?”

Most of my clients come to me when they feel stuck. They have achieved massive success, especially in careers and business. From the outside, they look as if they have it all. But deep inside, they are unhappy and unfulfilled.

One of my clients put it this way during a coaching session:

“I wouldn’t want to go back to the me of 12 months ago. I had everything on the outside – an awesome job that I love, a great salary, investments, travelling all over the world, and much more. I looked as if I had it all. But deep inside I was dying because I felt so lonely and alone.”

She didn’t want to make some changes that I recommended. Everything changed when I asked her to look into her default future 5, 10, 20 years into the future. What would it be if she didn’t change today?

Then I asked her to look at the end of her life. What was that default future if she didn’t change today?

The images that came through were enough to make her do assignments that she had resisted for weeks.

Your default future will come to be if you don’t change the way you think and act. It will be your reality sooner than you think because time flies by very fast.

What is your default future 5, 10, 20 years from now? How about your default end of life if you don’t change?

If you like what you see when you answer these questions, then there is no need to change. However, if you’ve read this far, then I’m sure you do want to change.

Get clarity and map a new way forward today. Then take daily steps towards your new direction so that the story you tell 5, 10, 20 years from now, and also at the end of your life, changes.

Over to You…

It’s easy to get bogged down with all the available self-help information. You might be surprised at how much you can benefit from asking yourself just a few questions such as the ones shared here.

Your answers will help you determine if you’re on track to reaching your goals and enable you to make an action plan that will get you there in record time.

Ask yourself these questions and also tap into your heart if you want to understand what your heart really wants.

Also, evaluate your average day objectively. You might be shocked when you look at your average day and realize where you’re likely to end up as a result of doing those same things every day.

You may also not like what you see when you look at your default future. But it’s better to identify that now rather than in the future when it might be too late to change.

The good thing is that you can change all that, and the change can start today. You don’t have to wait for the new year.

It doesn’t take a lot to be successful, but it does take consistency.

For example, imagine if you did 1 pushup every day this week and added 1 pushup a week. In 5 years you would be doing 250 pushups a day and you would never struggle for a minute.

In the same way, establishing daily habits that move you forward toward achieving what you want will result in your success.

So what will you do today to get unstuck, get clarity, and map a new way forward? And who will you ensure that you work on your plan daily?

The results you seek will only happen when you make a choice and take action. Don’t wait. Do it today!


Get Clarity, Direction, and Purpose

Are you tired of the never-ending cycle of trying to find what will make you happy and fulfilled?

Do you sometimes feel as if you’re stuck and lacking direction despite having achieved massive success in your life, career, or business?

If this is you, it’s time to put an end to the confusion and hesitation. It’s time to get unstuck, get clarity and direction, and move forward with confidence and courage!

I have a simple solution for you – a short but highly impactful coaching program that can kickstart your journey to making the right changes in your life, career, or business. Something straightforward and highly actionable.

Best of all, you can use this process to get clarity about what goals to focus on at any time of the year.

Let’s dive in and transform your life!

Click here to find out more about the 6-week Clarity Coaching Program.


(Image credit: Pexels)

Caroline Gikonyo
Caroline Gikonyo

Caroline Gikonyo is a Life and Business Coach at Biashara 360. She's an avid blogger and also oversees our content creation. This ensures that we give our readers quality and well researched information and tips.

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